


Games and Realities

by The_Risen_Phoenix



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Goodbyes, M/M, Minor Spoilers, OriSor, so many apologies, terrible first attempt at writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4427879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Risen_Phoenix/pseuds/The_Risen_Phoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If life was a game then he had just hit his 'Gave Over' screen</p>
            </blockquote>





	Games and Realities

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at writing anything at all so any constructive criticism would be great. No idea if this even makes sense to be honest, I just have so many things that I want to write but I think I might lack the finesse to actually make a story out of my ideas.  
> Thanks for reading in any case <3

He sat there, staring almost disbelievingly at the body of his dead lover. This could not have happened, this couldn't be true. Ever since that fateful day when they had met in the Underground they had been together. First they'd played the game filled with trickery and murderous thoughts until the deaths of close friends had stripped away the drive to play and a new game had started where they were both on the same team.

From there they had built their camaraderie, and over the years they had developed a companionship and eventually they fell to being lovers as though that were the most natural thing in the world, and thus the game ceased to matter and it became their reality.

And now, now he was dead. It was over. There would be no more late night discussions on formations or strategies. No more meals sitting with Hanji rambling about their newest theory on the Titans; their legs pressed together from foot to thigh hidden under the table from knowing eyes.  
No more kisses stolen whenever there was a spare second, and even more if they had the time. Their eyes would never meet from across the field, they would never communicate in that special way of theirs that had no need for words.

“I told you to come back to me” he murmured to the man lying so still in front of him. “You promised me you'd come back.” His voice was choked with the tears that he refused to shed. Looking at the bed, the man there might have been sleeping, the sheets pulled to his chest, any damage done hidden by crisp white cotton. Only the lack of breaths and the chill of his skin gave away the cruel reality.

“Commander”.

He looked up to see Eren in the doorway wringing his hands fretfully not wanting to disturb the grieving man.

“I'm sorry to disturb you, but they're about ready to take the body to the funeral pyre now.”

His face blanched as he watched his Commander's face flood with grief as he reached out a hand to grasp that of the dead man.

“I'll...give me a moment please Eren. I need a moment alone first.”

“Of course Sir, I'll wait outside to escort you when you are ready.” He quietly slipped out of the room and the soft snick of the door closing the only sounds in the room now.

He clutched tightly onto the hand in his grasp as he slid off of his chair and on to his knees beside the bed the tears that he could no longer contain flowing down his face to land on the man below. His grief tore through him like a tsunami leaving the scattered wreckage of his heart to be pulled away by the waves and drowned in the sea of his sorrow. This man, this man had been his reason for living, for being, for fighting. Sure he had started out life living for himself and for fighting for humanity, but this man had slowly but surely become his everything. And now without him, he felt like he was nothing. The fight for humanity was not over yet, but he could not bring himself to care. The only thing stopping himself from joining his lover was the knowledge that he would be disappointed in him for giving up and not finishing what was started.

“Oh Gods” he cried, “how am I meant to go on without you? How am I meant to save us all when I couldn't even save you? How could you leave me here alone when I love you so damn much!”

He laid his head upon the still chest and screamed out his pain, his fear and anguish not letting go of the hand he was so desperately clutching. As though if he held on tight enough he would never have to let go, would never be parted from his other half. Gods how he wanted to lie down next on the bed with him and wake up in the morning with all of this just being a nightmare that would never have to be thought of again.

This is not how things were meant to end. They were meant to triumph over the Titans, put Historia on the throne and then explore the world together. They were going to visit the sea together, and the deserts, everything that was forbidden to them when they were stuck trapped within the walls.

Eventually his sobs subsided and he became aware that everyone was waiting for him. He lifted his tear streaked face from his lover's chest for the last time and rose to his feet still clutching the hand in his grasp. Sad reddened eyes stared down at the face before him, still beautiful even in death. Finally with a heavy sigh he released the hold he had on his hand and placed it on the side of the dead man's face.

“I will never stop loving you, you weren't what I expected you to be. You were so much more, and I will fight in this war for your memory, for the fight you put up against the Titans and everyone else who wanted to stop us. I will travel to places unmapped for you and then when I have seen everything that you wanted to see, I will follow you as always and share with you everything I have seen.” His head dipped down and he brushed the lightest of kisses on his lips to seal his promise.

With that he straightened and strode to the door and without looking back exited the room. Hanji was waiting with Eren for him outside and as soon as he stepped through the door they had enveloped him in a tight hug. They held him as four men entered the room to carry the body to the pyre, and turned him away from watching as they carried it past him. 

“He was courageous and such an asset to humanity. Many admired him, though I'm sure there were just as many that hated him, but to us he was a hero and we mourn his loss greatly. The fight against the Titans has surely lost one of it's greatest warriors.” 

He was motioned to the front to speak to gathered soldiers. Standing in front of his mourning comrades he felt his resolve to end this fight firming. When the Titans were gone no one else would have to lose their loved ones to this fight. He could do this, he would do this, but he wouldn't do it alone. Everyone of the people standing here were part of this fight too and they would win. His words brought renewed hope to the Corps, and he was relieved that they still believed in him.

Finally the crowd hushed as grabbed the flaming torch and set the pyre alight. The dry wood burst into flames they saluted their fallen comrade. As the flames burned their brightest the Commander bowed his head and whispered “Game over Erwin.”


End file.
